By Kathleen Krog. Published Thursday, April 6, 2000, in the Miami Herald
Every so often a family living in comfortable obscurity suddenly finds itself the target of merciless media attention and a hapless object of competing special interests. A couple of instances that come to mind were when grief-stricken parents in the Midwest wanted to pull the plug on a comatose
adult daughter and when a husband in the Northeast sought an abortion to save the life of his pregnant wife, who was gravely injured in a car accident.
Out came the pro and anti forces in full-battle mode. The politicians were quick to follow. Shouting at each other over the heads of the beleaguered family, posturing for the cameras, using whatever legal maneuvers could be contrived to intervene -- the pros and cons and attendant media focus
turned a family's private agony into a public nightmare. How can a family function under such duress?
So it is, it seems to me, for the Gonzalezes -- the Miami and Cuban branches. Elian's family on both sides of the Florida Straits surely began this ordeal with good hearts and the best intentions for him. But now the entire family appears not to be in control, aswirl in a confusing cacophony not
of its making.
Many would say that Elian's father, Juan Miguel, will never be in control of his destiny while he lives under the totalitarian regime of Fidel Castro. The Cuban government does control people's lives in so far as a repressive state can. But consider how many Cuban families with members on both
sides of the water have managed to work out their issues over the years. It can be done, albeit through circumstances made exceptionally onerous by Cuban authorities.
So pity this family. If only its two branches had been allowed to work out Elian's fate before both sides latched onto the boy as a political symbol. If only. The father might have said, ``Keep him there.'' Or not. We'll never know. Too much bitter rhetoric and political haymaking has come
between the two branches.
It always is sad to see families rendered asunder, for whatever reason; if it can happen to them, it can happen to you and yours.
The Gonzalez family is being mauled and manhandled: Elian's father by Cuban authorities and the Miami branch by an extreme segment of the exile community. At the heart of it all is one small child whose native country and adopted home both have heaped an unbearable burden upon his frail
shoulders.
Elian isn't a saint or an object to be adored; he is a child whose face, unfortunately for him, now is shown hourly on both U.S. and Cuban television. As the mother of two sons and a former legal guardian of another boy, I am appalled at what is being done to this child and to his future
emotional well-being -- be that here or in Cuba.
It looks and feels like abuse to most parents, including this one. Both sides claim to be making a long-running media event out of Elian for the boy's sake. Sorry, but you just don't do that to children. They aren't equipped to handle it. Find another method to save him, for this one ultimately
could mess up his head for life.
The cynical, self-serving manipulation of a 6-year-old child by the ``pros'' and the ``cons'' is beyond his father's control in Cuba and, apparently , his family's here, too (given the daunting pressure from the ever-present crowd, it's almost understandable). What caring parent would let his
child be a poster boy for a political cause? What good guardian would allow a child to be exposed often to TV cameras, much less that ABC interview?
Little children shouldn't be taught manipulative gestures like producing the victory sign on cue when the cameras roll. This boy needs the chance to be a boy, insouciant and unself-conscious as little boys are -- everywhere. This 6-year-old lost his mom and has not seen his father for more than
four months. He has had the care of other family, Disney World, the gifts, etc. But at least on this side of the straits, let's try to be kinder to this kid: At a minimum, don't let the media molest him anymore while his future is being worked out by the adults.
Respect this boy's privacy. Is that too much to ask on his behalf?
kkrog@herald.com
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